Who Am I Becoming? A Hard Look at My Habits

Lately, I’ve had a question echoing inside me like a nagging gut-whisper I can’t ignore:

“What kind of person are my habits shaping me into?”

Not “What do I want to be,” or “What do people think I am,” or even “What am I doing with my life?”

But something quieter. Something more dangerous.

Who am I becoming—right now—because of the choices I make every day?

The Truth I Didn’t Want to Admit

If I’m honest, I’m becoming more distracted.

Not evil. Not reckless. Just… disconnected.

Bit by bit, I’m losing focus. My clarity is fading. I don’t notice until I try to sit still, or pray, or worship...

Here’s what that looks like in real life:

Scrolling through stupid animal reels that make me laugh… and then somehow it’s late and I regret not getting to bed on time.

Constantly answering texts, even during moments that matter—like in between turns when I’m playing a game with my kids. I keep checking my phone and my behavior communicates “the stranger on the end of this device is more important that you.”

Telling myself I’ll just play one round of an adventure video game, then zoning out for an hour trying to beat a level, while life keeps happening around me.

Opening Duolingo to “be productive and learn a new language”—and missing the actual conversation someone is trying to have with me in real life.

These aren’t big sins.

They’re small distractions.

But they’re forming me.

Habits Are Not Harmless 

Every choice I make—even the tiny, unconscious ones—is shaping my character.

They’re telling my brain, my body, my soul what to expect from life.

Every time I trade presence for a dopamine hit, I reinforce something:

That escape is easier than connection.

That achievement matters more than presence.

That noise is more comfortable than stillness.

And that kind of wiring doesn’t stay small. It grows.

This Isn’t About Guilt. It’s About Ownership.

I’m not writing this to shame myself—or you.

I’m writing this because I don’t want to live short of the joy of a full and satisfied life.

I want to become the kind of person who is fully present.

The kind who can sit with silence, focus on what matters, and look back with peace, not regret.

Because if I keep letting these habits lead, I know where they’ll take me:

More scattered.

More passive.

More emotionally numb.

That’s not who I want to be.

I get it, I had knee surgery three weeks ago that disrupted my rhythm of exercise, and I’m forced to the couch. But maybe that’s a gift to reveal something deeper…

So I’m Asking the Hard Questions

What do my habits reveal about what I truly value?

What am I escaping from that I could be facing?

Why am I avoiding stillness or silence?

Where is my time going—and what is it doing to me?

And most importantly:

What’s one small change I can make today to re-align with who I want to become?

An Invitation to You

If any part of this hits close to home, then you’re not alone.

Maybe you’re also slowly drifting—laughing at reels, refreshing notifications, zoning out, and waking up wondering where your attention has gone.

But here’s the good news:

You can change.

You don’t need a full life overhaul. Just one intentional step.

Start here:

Ask yourself: Who am I becoming? Not tomorrow or next month, but a year from now… And do I like that person?

If not—then now is the time to turn around.

You’re already doing the hardest part: being honest.

The rest? One choice at a time.

Choice 1: Pray with me:

Jesus, help! I realize I’m numbing, avoiding, distracting and drifting into dullness

I recognize it’s falling short of what you have for me, and the people around me.

Please forgive me.

I receive your love and your forgiveness. I receive your grace to enable sustainable change.

Jesus, thank you for convicting me and calling me higher.

Thank you for the example of your life. Devoted.

Help me to live the same.

Choice 2: Ask

What is one thing I can do right now to move toward a more focused life?

Me? I just deleted a couple social apps off my phone and committed to restart my exercise rhythm even if I’m not 100%...

Choice 3. Tell someone you respect… and then DO IT.

Focus is awesome but accountability makes focus powerful and consistent. Who do you respect that you could share this with and what your choices are? Don’t procrastinate on this one, pick up the phone and let them know straight away, set healthy reminders in your phone and then just do it.

You’ve got this!